A Wong Fanfic
by Videad
Summary: A blessing in the form of Wong's mystic quest, Fuu Nii being his sidekick...
1. Default Chapter

A Wong Fanfic (Starring Wong)  
  
Wong: Neato!  
  
Narrator: It was a nice and sunny day in Neo-Hong Kong...  
  
Wong: A little TOO sunny, if you know what I mean...  
  
Narrator: ...and Wong Yun Fat was on his way to the grocery store for it's weekly pocky sale.  
  
Wong: Only weekly?!! *scribble* *scribble* ...... *threaten*  
  
Narrator: Umm...*ahem* make that it's "daily" pocky sale...  
  
Wong: Good, good... ...go on!  
  
Narrator: Anyways, by the time that he had gotten to the store, all the pocky had been taken!  
  
Wong: WHAT?!! DA HELL KINDA FANFIC IS THIS?!!  
  
Narrator: A stupid one.  
  
Wong: I was about to say an EVIL ONE!!! *clenches fists*  
  
Narrator: Hey, all stories have some sort of conflict, ya know.  
  
Wong: But...but....taking away pocky? THAT'S A SIN AGAINST ME!!!  
  
Narrator: You don't understand! This-  
  
Wong: DIE!!!  
  
(Wong pulls a rope, suspended from the ceiling, and a gigantic box of Domon Brand Instant Noodles falls on top of the narrator. *Which makes a BONK noise, by the way, to all you sound effects fans.^____^*)  
  
Narrator: Fied....nod....*dies*  
  
Wong: Fied nod? (runs to a nearby playstation) Hey, it worked! Fiednod's the beast I'm suppose to use against the werewolf thingies! Now I can date Metalia!   
  
Videad: I hate it when this happens....(throws phoenix down at narrator's head)  
  
Narrator: I'm alive! I mean-ouch!! You just threw a bottle at my head!!  
  
Videad: I don't exist! *poof!* -vanished  
  
Wong: Uhh...what were we doin again?  
  
Videad: *poof* No pocky! *poof*  
  
Wong: Oh, that's right! Now what do I do, narrator guy?!!  
  
Narrator: I'm getting to that.  
  
Wong: No you're not. You're getting up to scratch your butt.  
  
Narrator: How can you see me?!  
  
Wong: You're in that room with the huge glass window right above me!  
  
Narrator: ...... Oh.  
  
Wong: SO?  
  
Narrator: SO, with the help of his loyal servant... ...uhh....pssh...have any loyal servants?  
  
Wong: Why of course! I've got good 'ole Master Asia! Oh Maaaasteeeer!!  
  
(A dagger is thrown from off screen, landing inches from Wong's head.)  
  
Wong: Hmmm...he must be in a bad mood today....I know! We can use Fuu Nii!  
  
Fuu: Naaaay? (*Wha?)  
  
Narrator: Okay, so Wong, along with his faithful servant, Fuu Nii...  
  
Fuu Nii: Naaaaay! (*You suck.)  
  
Narrator: ...set out on their journey for more pocky!  
  
Wong: And cute girls!  
  
Narrator: .... And cute girls.  
  
Fuu Nii: Naaaay naaay! (*And carrots!)  
  
Narrator: ................ And carrots.  
  
Wong: Booya! (high fives Fuu Nii) Owww!!! *remember, Fuu Nii's a horse. ^^'*  
  
Narrator: You must start by packing only what is absolutely necessary.  
  
Wong: You mean lots and lots of clean heart boxers, of course!  
  
Fuu Nii: Naaay! (carrot boxers)  
  
Narrator: And then riding the subway.  
  
Wong: Why?  
  
Narrator: I don't know, you're the one journeying.  
  
Wong: Right. Of course. Now then....off we go! *dramatic pose*  
  
Fuu Nii: Naaaay!! (Whooo!)  
  
~~  
  
(Wong and Foo Nii are waiting behind a long line in front of the subway.)  
  
Wong: Damn it, why am I waiting in line?! (takes out caddle prod) Outta my way!  
  
*ZAP!* (Woman: EEEEK!!!) Yee hee heeee!!  
  
*ZAP!* (Man: AAAAHH!!!) Whoooooo!!!  
  
*ZAP!* *ZAP!* (Child: EEEEEP!!!) Yeee haaa!!  
  
*ZAAAP!* (Weird guy: SHIZNITS!!!) Mya ha ha ha ha haaa!!!  
  
Fuu Nii: (I think he's having too much fun with this...- -')  
  
(Soon, Wong is at the front of the line, behind him a long row of people lying down and moaning in pain.)  
  
Wong: Two tickets please!  
  
Ticket Booth Dude: Sorry sir, I'm not allowed to sell tickets to people who cut in lines!  
  
*ZAAAP!!!* *collapse*-yeah, that's probably not a sound effect, is it?)  
  
(Wong leans inside the booth and grabs two tickets.)  
  
Wong: Thank you!  
  
TBD: *moans in pain*  
  
Wong: Let's go Fuu Nii! Our destiny awaits us!  
  
Fuu Nii: (You don't have to hurt everyone you come in contact with, ya know...)  
  
Wong: What was that?  
  
Fuu Nii: (I thought your destiny was to rule the world?)  
  
Wong: Hmmmm? A destiny greater than pocky?  
  
Fuu Nii: ..... (Nevermind.)  
  
Wong: Great! We'll get us some pocky in no time what so ever!  
  
Fuu Nii: (Why am I here?) ~ Narrator: You must be wondering why Wong can understand Fuu Nii, right?  
  
Videad: Actually, I'm just gonna let them assume that Wong's reading the text in parentheses.  
  
Fuu Nii: (Good idea.)  
  
Narrator: Isn't that stupid?  
  
Videad: Yes, why?  
  
Narrator: Why must it be stupid?  
  
Videad: BIRDIES!!!  
  
Narrator: ................... Let's just return to the story now, please?  
  
Fuu Nii: NARF!!! ~ Wong: Yay! We're on a subway adventure! I hear the food's suppose to be fresh here. But, then again, if it's really nothing but sandwiches then I don't like it....  
  
Fuu Nii: (Idiot.)  
  
Wong: Maybe we can pass the time away by reading the paper... ... .....or not. (throws paper away) ...............this is BORING!!  
  
Fuu Nii: (with newspaper) Go-for-it-Domon-W won first place in the horse races again....she's hot.....  
  
Wong: Fuu Nii, I'm gonna go hijack the subway. Watch my seat, will ya?  
  
Fuu Nii: What sexy hooves Damn-that-Egg-Yolk's got...  
  
Wong: I'm gonna take that as a "Yes sir, I love you, sir."  
  
Fuu Nii: Oh, her? She won 4th place last time.  
  
Wong: Whatever. Just don't let anyone touch my seat, gots it?  
  
Fuu Nii: Sure, okay.  
  
Wong: Good. (puts on a sailor outfit, and takes off one of his shoes, within two seconds) Well, I'm off. Wish me luck!  
  
Fuu Nii: How exactly do you wish luck?  
  
Wong: ......... (walks away)  
  
Fuu Nii: Hmm....Baby-that-ate-one-too-many-oysters killed another jockey, it looks like...  
  
(At the other end of the train.)  
  
Wong: NOBODY MOVE!!! I'VE GOT A TERRIBLE RASH!!! AND IT'S MAKING ME CRANKY, AND SOMEWHAT LONELY!!!  
  
Woman: Oh my god!! He's got a bomb in his shoe!!!  
  
Wong: I do? OH MY GOD!!!  
  
(Wong tosses the shoe into the air, coencedently, knocking the subway driver unconcious.)  
  
Wong: Whoops. I mean- BWA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!! And now this subway is MINE!! I OWN ALL OF YOUR ASSES!!!  
  
Man: Dude, that kinda sucks.  
  
Man with deep dramatic voice: But WAIT! What about the co-pilot?  
  
Co-pilot: Yes! Leave it to me to save you all-AHH!! *BONK!*  
  
(Wong walked up to the co-pilot with his shoe and hit him over the head.)  
  
Man wddv: ........ Damn.  
  
Wong: Alrighty then!! This subway is now under the control of Wong Yun Fat and his faithful sidekick who is now jumping off the subway for safety reasons but not because he thinks I'm psycho, nope!  
  
Fuu Nii: God help me...  
  
Wong: Now, before I take control of this maintenance depleted train, I would just like to ask if anybody knows where I can find pocky!  
  
Boy: Super Happy Pocky Land!  
  
Wong: And where is that?!  
  
Boy: Somewhere in Europe....  
  
Wong: And where's that?!  
  
Boy: ......  
  
Wong: *points with shoe* ANSWER ME, BOY!!!  
  
Boy: I'd have a name if I wasn't an extra....  
  
Wong: Fine then. I'll call you Bob.  
  
Bob: Goody.  
  
Wong: Bob, you shall guide me to Super Happy Pocky Land!  
  
Bob: Fishsticks.  
  
Wong: What kind of substitute curse word was THAT?!!  
  
Bob: Hey, I wanted to say the "s" word, but this is rated PG.  
  
Wong: Oh. Fair enough. NOW THEN! *drama* I shall take control of the ... controls, and take this subway train to Super Happy Pocky Land! All I need to do is-  
  
*BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!*  
  
(Alas, he should've taken control BEFORE they ran into a brick wall that was put there for no real reason except for explody goodness.)  
  
Wong: I bet I get blamed for this.  
  
Bob: Why are we still alive?!! We hit a freak'n brick wall, head first!!  
  
Wong: Well, ya know, a train can probably crash through a brick wall if it's fast enough....and we were going pretty damned fast but we crashed anyways.  
  
Bob: In other words?  
  
Wong: Logic got flushed down the toilet.  
  
Bob: ......... That was a horrible metaphor.  
  
Wong: I've got a whole book of them, but they're all compared to flushing...  
  
Bob: That's just sad.  
  
Wong: Hey! Now that I've got you with me I can get to Super Happy Pocky Land and get all the pocky that I want! We'll make a great team!  
  
(And suddenly, the Characters-Just-Added-For-The-Heck-Of-It Monster eats Bob.)  
  
Wong: Well, pineapple oil. -more weird substitute for cursing  
  
Fuu Nii: Hi.  
  
Wong: Hi. Let's get out of here while the subway's completely aflamed, and ditch the cops.  
  
Fuu Nii: I broke my leg! You're going to have to carry me!  
  
Wong: No.  
  
Fuu Nii: Dude, it's weird humor. A horse riding a man. Just do it before Videad kills one of us off with the Steriotypical-Fanfiction-Gag-Kill-Off- Character Monster!  
  
Wong: Damn!  
  
(So, Wong and Fuu Nii rode off into the sunset. .... Err, away from the huge fire that resembles a sunset. Who knows what great adventures await them as they journey towards their destinty.)  
  
Wong: OW!! YOU KICKED ME ON PURPOSE, YOU MORON!!!  
  
Fuu Nii: I was just stretching, now shut up and RUN!!!  
  
~  
  
Hiya! Another "just adlib something outta boredom" fic. But, if any of you really like this and would like me to go ahead a begin a part two, then just say so in an e-mail or review. Thanks for reading my scribble! Bye! 


	2. Jolly, indeed

Part Two  
  
Wong: Note to self.....big, bold letters make the words seem more important.....  
  
Author's note: First off, thank you for requesting a part two! I should just thank you for reading it, but I'm even more honored that it was good enough for an encore.  
  
Second off, I understand that most of you don't enjoy script written fics, and I apologize, because if I don't write like this then I feel it would be harder for the reader to read, as I am not very descriptive. So, quite sorry indeed, I am!  
  
Narrator: Where we last left Wong and Fuu Nii, they had begun their grand journey towards Super Happy Pocky Land, where they feel that happiness will flush out of their ears. ................ Who writes these horrible metaphors?!!  
  
Wong: *sob* I tried so hard!! *boo-hoo*  
  
Fuu Nii (from this point on, Fuunii): There, there....(pats Wong on the back)  
  
Wong: OUCH!!!  
  
Fuunii: Whoops! Sorry. I keep forgetting that I have hooves...  
  
Wong: That's okay. I almost always forget that I have thumbs!  
  
Fuunii: Forget what?  
  
Wong: Nevermind. We're off to Super Happy Pocky Land!!  
  
Fuunii: Yeah, but how will we get there?  
  
Wong: Uhh.....we take the subway!!  
  
Fuunii: The author killed the subway. Remember?  
  
Wong: Silly Fuunii! Subways don't get killed....they get murdered!!  
  
Fuunii: Really? (takes notes)  
  
Wong: Yup. Not to mention this author is unoriginal enough to steal from Aqua Teen Hunger Force...  
  
Videad: *poof*teleports in) Ahh, shut up! (drops anvil upon Wong's shiny head) *CLUNK!* *poof* teleports out)  
  
Wong: Shiznits, why is everybody so mean to me?!!  
  
Fuunii: Because you're trying to rule the world? Because you claim that every Gundam Fighter belongs to you? Because you're mean to Master Asia? Because you're ressurecting the Devil Gundam? Because-  
  
Wong: Stop.  
  
Narrator: And so, Wong and his faithful sidekick walked along a dirt road for three and a half days till they reached a small bridge.  
  
Fuunii: Yolk.  
  
Wong: Kill.  
  
Fuunii: Little.  
  
Wong: Evil!  
  
Fuunii: Litter.  
  
Wong: Rape!!  
  
Fuunii: Excelcious.  
  
Wong: Suicide!!!  
  
Fuunii: Egg.  
  
Wong: GUILOTINE!!!  
  
Fuunii: .......earnest.  
  
Wong: TERROR!!!!  
  
Fuunii: Reality.  
  
Wong: ........yolk.  
  
Fuunii: HA! I win.  
  
Wong: Tartersauce. And now she's stealing from Spongebob?! What a cruel bitch!  
  
Videad: *poof* Meanie! *CLUNK!* *poof*  
  
Fuunii: Hmmm....hey, Wong! You have another an-  
  
Wong: Shut up.  
  
???: HAULT!!!  
  
(Wong jumps into Fuunii's arms- er, front legs. .... Which are sort of his arms.)  
  
Wong: AAAAH!!! TALKING QUESTION MARKS!!!  
  
???: What? NO!! The bloody author just hasn't given me a name yet.  
  
Videad bloody author: Huh? What's everyone looking at?  
  
Fuunii: So who are you?  
  
???: Me? I am bridge troll number one! Aka, BT One.  
  
Wong: God, I would've just stuck with the triple question mark than have a lame name like that!  
  
BT One: Indeed. Pity me. *slump*  
  
Fuunii: Poor lil gu-  
  
BT Two: Hold on a minute! We're here to eat you!  
  
Wong: Where'd you come from?  
  
BT Two: From under the bridge, of course. We eat people. Tastey people.  
  
Wong: Oh. Well, I'm not tasety.  
  
Fuunii: Yeah, and I'm a horse.  
  
BT Two: Is that so? Carry on then!  
  
Wong: Wow, thanks alot, kid!  
  
BT Three: Kid?!  
  
Fuunii: Where'd he come-  
  
BT 1,2,3: KID?!!!?  
  
Wong: Walking, walking, fa la la la la, walking...  
  
BT One: Thou shalt not passeth over thine bridge!  
  
Wong: Whoa, where'd you get that ACCENT?!  
  
Fuunii: Why can't we pass now?!  
  
BT Two: Thou have mocketh ... err....ourseth heritage!  
  
Wong + Fuunii: *snicker* ...ourseth...  
  
BT Three: Be silenced, ye bickersomes!  
  
Wong + Fuunii: *laughthing like idiots* BICKERSOMES!!!  
  
BT 123: Grrrr....  
  
Narrator: That night, in the secret underground city of the bridge trolls...  
  
(Wong and Fuunii are tied-up, hanging upside down, over a boiling pot of green beans.)  
  
Fuunii: They really aren't kids, are they Wong?  
  
Wong: *whining* I HATE YOU AAAAALL!!!  
  
BT 2346: Save it for da judge!  
  
Fuunii: ........  
  
Wong: .........  
  
BT 2346: ...............okay, look, there ain't no judge, we're just gonna eat ya.  
  
Wong: Bastards...  
  
Fuunii: But I'm a horse! And he doesn't taste good!  
  
BT 98: So? We'll just put in lots of spices and maybe some noodles. Nobody'll know the difference!  
  
BT 765: Now let us all bow our heads towards the Grand Bridge Elf of Mightiness!  
  
All BTs: MIGHTINESS!!! HUZZAH!!!  
  
(An elf covered in robes and jewelry walks through the crowd.)  
  
GBEoM: Good day, infidels.  
  
Fuunii: Waidaminute, hold on here! How come you're an elf ruling over trolls?  
  
GBEoM: Hmmmmm.......... .................. I have NO idea.....but, I am, so THERE!  
  
Wong: WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! I JUST WANTED POCKY!!!! AND THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!! AND INTO ALLENBY'S PA-  
  
GBEoM: THAT is enough!!!!  
  
Wong: NO IT'S NOT!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
GBEoM: SHUT UP!! Number forty-five, shut him up!  
  
(Forty-five throws a show at Wong's head, landing inside his mouth.)  
  
Wong: *mumbled nonesense*  
  
Fuunii: What's with these shoe gags?  
  
BT 397: *rimshot* It's funny, cuz it gagged him! Yark!  
  
*Silence*  
  
BT 397: .................... I think I'm late for one of my self- confidence classes. *sniff*  
  
GBEoM: Well that was strange.  
  
Fuunii: And nothing else in this god forsaken fic ISN'T?!!  
  
GBEoM: INTO THE GREEN BEANS WITH 'EM!!!  
  
All BTs: YIPPEEE!!!  
  
Fuunii: Bye, bye Wong...sorry we never got any pocky...  
  
Wong: BLAAAAAAAARB!!!! -still gagged  
  
(Six trolls begin to saw the rope.)  
  
Fuunii: Forgive me, Master Asia!! Forgiiiive meeee!!!!  
  
(At Master Asia's.)  
  
M. Asia: That damn horse better of gotten pocky by now....and that Wong better be dead.....ah well.....on with the show....(runs out onto a stage in a tutu)  
  
BT 678: They're uh fall'n now!!  
  
Fuunii + Wong: (as they fall surprisingly slowly) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *GASP* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
BT 524: Yeesh....and they were only 17 feet above the pot....  
  
Fuunii: Hey, how come we're not dead?  
  
Wong: Blarg!  
  
???: Because "I" have saved the two of you!!  
  
Fuunii: Oh god, no more triple question mark people, PLEASE!!  
  
???: But I am on YOUR side, my horsy little friend!!!  
  
BT 57787: Oh my corn syrup! IT'S THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT!!!  
  
GBEoM: Kurse him!!!  
  
Videad: *poof* Yay. *poof*  
  
Narrator: And so, the Jolly Green Giant flew Wong and Fuunii to safety, and then cruelly and unneccesarily stomped the city of bridge trolls to death.  
  
Fuunii: Thank you for saving us, Jolly Grean Giant sir!  
  
JGG: No problem! I've been after these guys for stealing my green beans!  
  
Fuunii: But can't you just grow more, sir?  
  
JGG: Of course I can! I'm just a basturd! *laughtrack*  
  
Wong: He's my hero. *laughtrack*  
  
Fuunii: That's annoying!! *silence*  
  
JGG: So, I've heard the two of you are off to Super Happy Pocky Land. Is that true?  
  
Wong: Yessirry Bob!  
  
Fuunii: We were following this dirt road till those trolls kidnapped us...  
  
Wong: ...don't forget that elf.  
  
JGG: Well, I should probably tell you that this road will only take you to the Land of Giant Kittens.  
  
Wong: HOLY SHIZNITTLES WITH ICE CREAM MEN, NO!!!  
  
JGG: Yes, horrible, isn't it? It's a good thing I warned you!  
  
Wong: Thank you for saving us green guy!!  
  
Fuunii: Is there any way that we can repay you?  
  
JGG: Yes, actually...  
  
Fuunii: What is it?  
  
Wong: Cuz whatever it is we probably won't get it.  
  
JGG: I want *drumroll* an anvil!!  
  
Wong: I've got two in my pocket! (hands 'em over)  
  
JGG: Thank you, you two! And now....up, up, and AWAAAAY! *whoosh*  
  
Wong: *waves* Thanks JGG!  
  
JGG: That's Jolly Green Giant!!! *flies away*  
  
Wong: Hmph! I was just reading the text...  
  
Fuunii: Now what? We don't know where to go...  
  
Narrator: Then, suddenly!  
  
Wong: Hey, look! A chocobo! Maybe if we ride it, it will take use to Super Happy Pocky Land!  
  
Fuunii: Ya know, if you wanted a ride, you could've just-  
  
Wong: WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee...eee...eee........*disapears into the horizon*  
  
Fuunii: ......*sighs* (gets down on all fours and runs after 'em)  
  
Narrator: Will Wong and Fuunii ever make it to Super Happy Pocky Land? Why is Videad stealing so many jokes? A chocobo?! Find out in Part Three!!  
  
~~  
  
OMAKE  
  
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, the reenactment of World War II, with the Shuffle Alliance.  
  
Shwartz: And me! Don't forget me!  
  
Domon (acting horribly): We will show those American swine! (makes a paper airplane) HYA!  
  
(Domon throws the paper airplane at Chibodee's head.)  
  
Chibodee: HA! Is that all you got, Japanese?!!  
  
(Domon throws lots and lots of paper airplanes.)  
  
Chibodee: EEEEE!!!! *ducks* Ouch, ouch, ouch.....DAMN IT!!!  
  
Shwartz: I AM FREAK'N TIRED OF YOU GUYS MAKING FUN OF MY MASK!!!  
  
(Shwartz starts kicking George in the head.)  
  
George: Ow ow OW!! HEY, CUT IT OUT!!  
  
Domon: Mya ha ha ha ha haaaa!! (tackles Sai)  
  
Sai: AAAAHH!! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!  
  
Argo: Uhh....you okay there Chibodee?  
  
Chibodee: (in fetal position, and rocking) Those bastards, those bastards, those BASTARDS...  
  
Argo: .....(stares at George)  
  
George: (with ice patch to head) Ohhh.....my heeead....  
  
Argo: .......  
  
Sai: Helphelphelphelphelphelphelp!!!  
  
(Domon is standining with one foot on Sai's head.)  
  
Domon: Ah, shut up!  
  
Shwartz: Mya ha ha ha ha haaaaa!! NOW who's got horrible fashion sense?!! Huh?!! HUH?!! ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!!!  
  
Argo: Hey, you guys. Come over here.  
  
(George, Chibodee, and Argo huddle up.)  
  
Argo: ....mumble....mumble....bowling ball....  
  
(While Domon is laughing like an idiot, Chibodee drops a bowling ball onto his head.)  
  
Domon: BWAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA- *CLUNK!* ..................................*faint*  
  
(And George and Argo tackle Shwartz.)  
  
Shwartz: NO!! UNHAND ME!!! I HAVE TO BEAT THINGS UP!!! I HAVE TO WIN!!! I... I.....I have to....DANCE!!!  
  
(Shwartz rips off his trenchcoat to reveal a disco suit. Suddenly, a strobe light appears and Shwartz begins to dance.)  
  
Sai: I'M FREE!! FREEEEE!!! Now I can continue to plot against everyone else!!  
  
All: Huh?  
  
Sai: Er, uh, make fortune cookies for everyone else!  
  
All: Awww....  
  
Sai: I'll get those bastards...one of these days....ONE DAY!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!  
  
The End  
  
Sai: I think that went pretty well, doncha think?  
  
Domon: .......-still unconcious  
  
Chibodee: Evil....evil all around me!!  
  
George: Stay away, stay away, stay away...  
  
Argo: ..........yup. 


End file.
